Morsels of Wisdom

I've been asking God for wisdom. I have a long way to go, and there are days that I have to remind myself constantly to pray, and even then I can't find the words. Or I can't keep my focus long enough to form a "real" prayer. But these little nuggets have stuck with me recently.

"Pain then, if one could have faith in something greater than himself, might be a path to experiencing a meaning beyond the false gratification of personal comfort." (page 196)

"Job found contentment and even joy, outside the context of comfort, health or stability. He understood the story was not about him, and he cared more about the story than he did about himself." (197)

I read Donald Miller's book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Um, yeah. It's exactly what I needed to read, just when I needed to read it. There are many more sentences that I wanted to write across my forehead so I wouldn't forget them, but I'll settle for writing a couple here instead. I hope I can live a better story.

"If your actions are causing someone - anyone - to walk on eggshells, the problem is not them. It's you."

I am striving to see my own sin, to create the best version of myself in Him, not only for the betterment of my life but for my kids' lives, as well. They will use what I show them to shape not only their own world views but their future relationships, with people and, more importantly, with God. No pressure, right? But that's why I must live a better story, why it's so important to focus on and improve myself. Some of the things I do every day are not good. They're selfish and, occasionally, rather detrimental. So I need to make sure that my actions are kind, welcoming, and joyful, and that I am conscious of all others in my sphere. Michael calls me considerate to a fault, but I don't really think that's possible. It's how I feel called to be.

"May our wrong days help us appreciate our right days."

Today has not been great. Yesterday was worse. Nothing truly bad has happened; everyone is just too tired and out of sorts. I'm low on patience, Elijah is low on listening ability, Michael is low on availability, and Wriston is low on communication. It's just one of those weeks, and it's only Tuesday. But when I texted a friend to vent a little of my frustration, she reminded me that tomorrow everyone and everything will be a little different. Everyone will be fresh, we'll all [hopefully] be a little smarter, and we will all have today to remind us how bad it could be. And I hope I can appreciate our good days more instead of just letting that be the status quo. Which leads nicely into:

"Manage your expectations."

I had really [REALLY] bad postpartum depression this Spring and Summer. I started seeing a counselor, and one of the first things she talked to me about was managing my expectations. It is truly impossible for me to have and/or do it all. Maybe someone else could - and that's great for them. But I am average. And I need to be okay with that. Then Michael and I started a marriage class at church, and the first lesson was all about - surprise! - managing your expectations. So I'm doing my best. I will not have the most friends, the cleanest house, the most well-behaved and good-looking children, the best interior design, the best marriage, etc., etc., etc. I just won't. But I can be the best friend with access to a pool. Or the best at wrestling with Elijah. And literally the ONLY one who can feed Wriston milk. And even if that's all I'm good at (and I really hope it's not), it's okay. I have a purpose in a much bigger story than I can even comprehend. And someday, when I stop being average and sit with my Father as His beloved child, none of this will even be a passing thought.